When I heard this song today, it really summed up everything that is going on around me.
I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down
For the joy of the Lord
We Say
Yes Lord yes Lord
Yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord
Yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord
Yes yes Lord Amen.
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down
For the joy of the Lord
We Say
Yes Lord yes Lord
Yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord
Yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord
Yes yes Lord Amen.
See, that was my problem all along. I was holding my fears, the pains of leaving, resentment, everything. Instead of saying, Yes Lord, I was saying why, and isn't there something else we can do? Over and Over again the words went through my head all day... yes lord, yes lord, yes yes lord. Turn it over, stop holding in me, and wait. I am the only one making myself miserable here.
What really set this train of think off was reading the Blog of someone who means so much to be. It all started way back in the 8th grade. I was a terribly shy, not very well put together Middle School child. I had no self-esteem, and quite literally had no friends. My friends were literally found in my books. That year I started a new school, yet again. Little did anyone know that it was going to be the year that changed my life. It was a teacher, my 8th grade English teacher. I had her for 2 subjects, Grammar/Writing and Reading. I don't remember much about the actual class. What I remember is her. She was a little "off". Most of the kids thought her to be "weird", and I think (now), that the parents thought so too. I thought she was the most marvelous thing in the world. She was God's gift to that school, for that very short time. I idolized her, and I didn't know why. She was a a light, she was exuberant, and exciting. I had never met anyone like her. I knew then that I wanted to be like her.
As I grew older, Her presence never left my mind. Several years later, she and my mom ended up being friends, so I was able to keep tabs on her life.
When I went to college, and I knew I was going to be an education major, and I was given the option of actually majoring in teaching Middle School, I knew that it was my calling. If I could even be 1/100 of what she was to be, I would consider myself an amazing success. The Middle School years are so important to the development of who a person becomes. I learned from her. I fell in love with everyone of my students. I spend days and nights in joy, happiness, sadness, anxiety over the close to 1000 students who have passed though my classes these last 9+ years. And when I read the things some of my kids write, and they are my kids, I have to laugh. I am "that" teacher... I am "odd", "weird" "different"... the nicer ones use words like "creative"... I am the crazy teacher they have to put out in the trailers, to hide from the parents... just in case.
Many things led to making me the person I am, but she is a HUGE part of that.
Well time passes... and again, I find that she has been an inspiration to me again. See, she has had Cancer, and a very rough time of it. But even as I have been reading her Blog-- even in her darkest moments, she is still the most beautiful, exuberant women I have ever met. As I sit here in pain, over leaving my job, and the comfort of controlled life, she is able to take comfort by turning her sorrows, and her pain over to the Lord. Again, through her I learn yet another lesson. I am letting my fear, pride, and anger get in the way of God's plan. I am forgetting all of the gifts God has given me. I have forgotten that I am so blessed, and I have no need to fear, because God has given me My dear husband, and my darling son, and no matter where we go, we are together.
ok, long enough of my ramblings....
I will leave you with one more quote infiltrating my mind...
What really set this train of think off was reading the Blog of someone who means so much to be. It all started way back in the 8th grade. I was a terribly shy, not very well put together Middle School child. I had no self-esteem, and quite literally had no friends. My friends were literally found in my books. That year I started a new school, yet again. Little did anyone know that it was going to be the year that changed my life. It was a teacher, my 8th grade English teacher. I had her for 2 subjects, Grammar/Writing and Reading. I don't remember much about the actual class. What I remember is her. She was a little "off". Most of the kids thought her to be "weird", and I think (now), that the parents thought so too. I thought she was the most marvelous thing in the world. She was God's gift to that school, for that very short time. I idolized her, and I didn't know why. She was a a light, she was exuberant, and exciting. I had never met anyone like her. I knew then that I wanted to be like her.
As I grew older, Her presence never left my mind. Several years later, she and my mom ended up being friends, so I was able to keep tabs on her life.
When I went to college, and I knew I was going to be an education major, and I was given the option of actually majoring in teaching Middle School, I knew that it was my calling. If I could even be 1/100 of what she was to be, I would consider myself an amazing success. The Middle School years are so important to the development of who a person becomes. I learned from her. I fell in love with everyone of my students. I spend days and nights in joy, happiness, sadness, anxiety over the close to 1000 students who have passed though my classes these last 9+ years. And when I read the things some of my kids write, and they are my kids, I have to laugh. I am "that" teacher... I am "odd", "weird" "different"... the nicer ones use words like "creative"... I am the crazy teacher they have to put out in the trailers, to hide from the parents... just in case.
Many things led to making me the person I am, but she is a HUGE part of that.
Well time passes... and again, I find that she has been an inspiration to me again. See, she has had Cancer, and a very rough time of it. But even as I have been reading her Blog-- even in her darkest moments, she is still the most beautiful, exuberant women I have ever met. As I sit here in pain, over leaving my job, and the comfort of controlled life, she is able to take comfort by turning her sorrows, and her pain over to the Lord. Again, through her I learn yet another lesson. I am letting my fear, pride, and anger get in the way of God's plan. I am forgetting all of the gifts God has given me. I have forgotten that I am so blessed, and I have no need to fear, because God has given me My dear husband, and my darling son, and no matter where we go, we are together.
ok, long enough of my ramblings....
I will leave you with one more quote infiltrating my mind...
If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
.....
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
-Jewel-
All who read my blog, send your prayers out to Jayne for me. She needs all she can get.
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