this sucks

So we started the Gh injections yesterday. I have so many conflicting feelings with all of this. We went through the training, and The nurse stayed while we gave his first injection.... Of course he wanted me to do it.. great....

There is a bruise on his pretty little leg... He really took it better than I expected, but it still tore me apart inside. He is such a perfect sweet angel. I feel like this horrible monster doing this to him. We explain it is to help him grow, and he is so brave and tells us ok.. but he doesn't really understand, he is only 4. Last night, after all was said and done, and I was getting him ready for bed, he looked up and me and said "Mom, I don't think the new medicine is working, I am not any bigger"... It nearly broke my heart... I told him it took a bit longer to work than that... So this morning, he asked me if he had grown...

Tonight went even worse than last night. I screwed up and had to stick him twice. he was very brave the first time... not so much the 2nd time. I feel so so horrible. He got to wear his new Thomas jammies (mainly to make me feel better... I have anew thomas train in a bag waiting for a night where I feel particularly guilty...)

He has a calender wher he gets to put a sticker after each shot, so we can keep track of when he has gotten them... After putting on today's sticker he said "2 down, how many more to go".. How do I tell him, um, 10-15 more years sweety...