some days

Some days it just hits me that my child doesn't really fit it, and it makes me so sad.

Tonight we went to a friends' birthday party. The little boy was turning 3. J was by far the oldest one there, and also the smallest, aside from a few babies under 10 months old (and that 10 month old was catching up)..

Instead of playing with the other kids, he went and played by himself in the corner. He wanted nothing to do with them. At one point they were just running around, and D talked J into running too. Within a minute, I find in in another room, laying on a chair crying. I picke dhim up and asked his what was wrong... his reply was "I don't run so well, i can't keep up"... I thought i was going to cry.

The older kids went downstairs to play, and D took J down. He cried and wanted to come back upstairs away from the other kids. He sat at the table with them, and refused to eat anything. Birthday cake time rolls around, he takes one bite, then cries his tummy hurts. By then he was crying begging to leave.

My heart was breaking the entire time.

Now we are home... He cried because D put his socks on wrong (how that happens I have no idea)... then he cried, because his song on his toothbrush wasn't working right, now as we are getting him to drink milk, he cries that D is sitting on the wrong side of him... He is so into the specifics of odd things. Some days I don't know what to do with him...

Of course to top it off, when we got home, in the mail waiting for us was all the paperwork for his GH testing. It just looks so intimidating.

Some days I just feel so sad.